Desperate

*sigh*

it's like i have visited this blog for everyday to check any updates but yet it's still the same as before.

most of the updates now are boring and didnt satisfied me. only short and lame update. life is keep on getting boring day by day. i dont know why im saying this but maybe it's because the emptiness of my heart.

seriously guys, im not really sure if it's okay for me to share this but i really need partner. i really miss the warm love from the girl i like. i maybe sound desperate but that's the truth.

i know this sound girly but everytime i look at everyone or my friends with their bf/gf, my heart cried out of jealousy. the time when i look at kim or any other girls that i adore, i really wish for them to talk with me while our eyes softly looking at each other - having them lying on my shoulder while i whispering to their ear, telling them "i love you"

*sigh* im really sick of this loneliness but it cant be helped, this is the path i choose. im trying hard in keeping my promise at the stupid girl who never appreciate my love.

sometime i wish that i never make that stupid promise.

*sigh*

until then ..

Refusal

i just got the mood to post something today. well, it's nothing important actually, i would love to keep it as my secret but naah, ill tell this time.

guys, nowadays, i can feel that im changing a lil bit. im keeping my feelings a lot more frequent than before. i dont tell people about my everyday problem like before where my blog usually updated at least 1 time in 3 days. probably because of my lazyness.

oh yeah, what im trying to tell you right now is about my older post with the title 'crush'. i think it was the post on late march.

well i met her today *grins* that girl, she's still beautiful like the first time i looked at her. she was the first girl that opened the locked cage for me. the only person who managed to grab my attention before kim. i wish i could tell her and everyone that i like her but naahh, ill keep it as my secret..

but too bad that girl *sigh* have a lot of fans which makes this nature of mine to refuse to continue to love her. everytime when i clicked on her status's comments, i could see that most of people gave her the comments of 'i hope we can be together' in different ways and style. i dislike this so much. ahh, silly me, i must be jealous. hehs.

anyway, i just knew about 4 hours ago that my kayme had deleted her facebook. so saddd *~*

okay then. ill stop till here.

until then..

notykitz memorial

hey. it's the fourteen of september today. i remember that last year september was a happy moment of my life although i was pressurised because of o level exam.

i still kept the notes of our convo during our first year anniversary. it really was a sweet memory, not only the notes but her recorded voices too. im listening to them right now. most of the recording was her laughter, her naughtiness, our planning for the future and a lil bit of her school problems.

my memories are now recall to the day where we nearly broke up because of the unforgivable thing that she'd done. it was so painful but sweet. the sweet thing was how she tried to convinced me about her love, how she told me that no one can replace me in her heart and how she told me that she want me. i miss all of that..

notykitz forever, farulsauzan, 3012512, 2312[14] and many more. all of those are used to be on my display name or nick. but it's all gone now. everything has fade. no more happiness between this two souls. hatred were born after that tragic day.

today is supposed to be our two years relationship but it seems that two years is nothing but a mere dream. so long baby, i guess this pain will never stop from bleeding. i wish you for a better life.

when two souls found one heart..
they hold it together with both of their hands..
when one of the souls found another heart..
it gets distracted and its grip weakened..
processing the falling of the heart as the result..
so there was the scattering sound of the broken heart..

until then..