Theater Boy (:

it was in a theater

i saw this boy ..

from the first glance,

i knew he was in pain ..

lucky for him, he was an actor..

a good one that could stun everyone with his tremendous acting skills

and made everyone leave with huge appalling applause..

living in the world of theatre,

he greeted everyone

with smile ..

a joyous one that could cheer all the audience around the stage..

a comfortable smile yet disturbing..

chaotic inside but visually merry..

i wondered what made him in pain?

he was my favourite actor of all time..

he lived in a luxurious life and he made everyone happy..

but why? why was he in pain?

frustation condemned me,

and i couldnt find an answer,

i wanted to know his secret,

this secret of him was killing me

but ..

in the end, i left ..

frustrated ..

sad with curiousity engraving me ..

earlier before,

i saw a mirror ..

and a reflection of an empty theater ..

with no audience and no actor ..

i could see no body but empty seats..

lastly, i realised something..

it was the curtain ..

a closed curtain ..

Dreams

listening to : the splashing rain

i've been experiencing 3 beautiful dreams in a row. once in the last 3 days. it was a lil bit odd for me but it made me happy although it was a weird one.

first dream was a wild one. i dont want to talk about it :s

second, i dreamt about watching satsuki's concert. hee, a very happy one.

third, i dreamt about kayme. ^^ the best of all.

in that dream, i was in a classroom with kayme and as usual vivi was there too. kayme and i were having a wonderful conversation. we were like friends and i get to poke her and hold her hands everytime i want.

vivi can only watch and teases us which made me happy because she was teasing about me and her being together as a couple.

we did so many things in that dream. unfortunately, i cant remember a thing beside me poking her and holding her hands.

so sweet.. ^^

today, early morning. it turned out to be a nightmare. a stupid one. i was dragged into having a quarrel with my dad because of stupid things and sadly it's also happened in reality.

dont want to make this longer. family matter.

until then..

Dream

listening to : the sound of the spinning fan

it was a short dream btw. i dreamt about him(wafy). it was in katok. i dont know how the hell i got there but the dream started with me standing up at one place looking at one guy who seemed to be waiting for someone. that dude was chinese, i havent met wafy yet, so relax eh? :p haha!

the chinese guy was holding one familliar bag. red and white striped bag - kayme's bag. i was like 'damn! what the fuck that this guy have with her'. so i got mad right. then a few minutes later kayme came out of nowhere(cant remember where either classroom or toilet) and went to meet that guy.

i got jealous but as you all know im a cool guy so i kept myself down :p and then wafy disturbed me and asked me to accompany him.

now this is where the shit part happened. he was sad right and i acting like a brother tried to calm him by advising him to do this and that but instead of listening, he pissed me off by saying something rude

(sorry i cant remember any of the conversation :s)

then i grabbed his shirt, and told him something. i think it was all about how he should treat people and stuff like that or it was merely a coversation of me challenging him to a fight. i remember that we did this exactly infront of the SA room. haha!

all of a sudden, we became the center of attention. a lot of people were looking at us. now, this surprised me because there was no people in the school before except me,kayme,chinese dude and wafy. shit isnt it?

okay, last thing i did in the dream was leaving him standing there alone infront of the SA and yelled

"YOU STUPID ASSHOLE! I DONT KNOW YOU ANYMORE! DONT EVER TRY TO CALL MY NAME! DONT EVER TRY TO MEET ME AND APOLOGISE! I HATE YOU SO DAMN MUCH! YOU'RE A FUCKING LOSER!"

after i said that i left and ... i heard a crazy laugh behind me. it was him, he was standing there and then kneel laughing like a madman.

that's all..

until then..

love in a .... ? i dont know..

it was at school but i'm not sure that the area is the same as my present school. i remember that the area was more like my previous high school.

i was talking to my e'as' friends about something. a group discussion if i'm not mistaken. just for your info, i was more closer with her and her bestfriend. well, you guys know who's the 'her' right?

anyway move on back to the story, as soon as we finished doing that study group thingy, she and her bestfriend had a walk with me around the school. but after a moment, her bestfriend had to leave under certain circumstances. i dont know why, i'm not so sure about it but somehow i got this feelings. she left because she wanted us to have a little time alone together. it appeared that her bestfriend knew about my feelings for her.

okay, so both of us were left alone eh? hmm. this will be a hard time for me. huh~both of us were silent for a very looongg moment until she broke the silence shooting me questions.

'umm hey zan,arent your girl gonna to be mad if she sees the both of us walking together?'

'no'

'really? why?'

'because i have no girlfriend'

'dont tell me inoy is not ur girlfriend'

'inoy? hahs. she's like a sister to me'

'oh i see. so you're saying that you're single now ryt?'

'yeah, how about ya? dont tell me you dont have a boyfriend? you're beautiful ***' note : '***' is her name (:

'i used to have one but not anymore. we broke up about a month ago'

'REALLY!?' in an excited voice. 'err.. i mean i feel sorry to hear that,why did you guys broke up?'

'it's because i have my eyes on this one guy. also my boyfriend cheated on me at the same time. so i decided to just let it go'

'oh. your ex-boyfriend must be a stupid person' she laughed when i said this. 'anyway u said that u're interested in one guy right? i wonder who is dat lucky guy? hmm, arent ya gonna tell him? i mean before he's taken..'

'i dont know zan,im afraid that he'll never accepts me. i like him but it's just ... '

'you're not sure ryt? i know how it feels ***. me too,i had those kind of feelings once and it's still here with me. as for me, i always did that and im still doing it. by the time that girl is owned, i cry like hell and curse myself because of it. just tell him that u like him *** before u lose ur chance. i bet he will accepts you because you see, no one can resist your beauty ***'

'how about if i say that lucky person is the person who walks beside me now. i mean you're the person i like zan. dont you realise it? i always looked at you. both of us always got an eye contact as if they were a magnet that attracts each other. i tend to be alone while you were there - near me, just to give you the space for you to fill. so zan,r u understand now how i feel about you?'

yes! i understand now baby. i love you too.. *sigh* it's such a shame that i was speechless at that moment. i wish i could tell her. i want to tell her that i feel the same way at her. why? why cant i speak in that dream. even it's just a dream. for me it's worthed to tell her how i feel about her. slowly and inevitably the vision between me and her is fading and that dream is gone forever. i hope that dream will come again.

*sigh*

she didnt came to school today. i misses her so much. i hope u'll be there at your usual place sitting there doing ur work or talk with ur friends and laugh while ur shoulders are up, ur teeth were shown and ur korean eyes is half-closed. i love to see your face sweetheart. please do come to school tomorrow sweetheart. i longed for that beautiful nature.

until then.