Apology

fuhh~im tiredddddd. to the viewers,pls accept my apology for not updating this site. i've tried before bt my opera mini wont let me do it. also,im out of credit. haha ill update soon okay? right now,im using my mom's line to check everything without her permission. haha sorry mom. :p dats all for now. baibai (;

p/s : i miss my noty so much. i wonder if she's ok ryt now. hope so .. *sigh*

Battle and Appreciation

i always thought that i were alone. no friends and family, only have her to watch on me. wat i mean by no friends and family is i couldnt share my problems with them because i thought we were not that close.

i always thought,what will happen to me if she's die? how am i going to survived? and how will i survived? millions of questions are playing in my mind. am i going to die with her? or continue live with our love? thinking every of the answer makes me gave a long sigh.

i was so down backthen,i've tried to kill my self twice before,but i failed. god wouldnt let me do it. god gave me the third chance to live. what makes me did it? its because of this promise i made to her 'i rather die than breaking up with u,that's my promise'. i keep that promise and every of my promise to her but sadly she forgot every of her promise that she made to me. the fact,both of us are apart now. bt i just assume that she's leaving me for a while and will come back later. by that i will never have to kill myself in order to hold that promise. i miss her so muchh. ill always wait for her return. *sigh*

anyway to my friends,i never thought that we were this close,u'll are supporting me,giving me strength,happiness,hope,giving me breath to live again,even a new friend that i just met. althought for me,it lack of something *sigh* something important,her love. but u guys will always be by my side. to encourage me,motivate me,advising me and more. if before we had a battle with cambridge and we can defeat them together,why not this? i noe this is my battle,but i noe u guys will fight along with me. thanks everyone. thank you so much. i hope someday everything will return to normal. god will always show to everyone that justice is here in the world. i believe it! *smiles*

*walks out*

Worried..

*sigh*

gosh,just after i woke up this morning,my heart keep on beating quick. i just cant understand why cos i've nothing in my mind. there's nothing for me to worried about.

i try to relax my mind by watching comedi show but even im in laughter,my heart keeps on beating quick. huh,what is the matter with it!

What Is So Special Today?

love? ofcourse. valentine's day? naahh. it's not about the valentine's day,it's about my day with her. today is our 17th anniversary as usual. bt the only thing that different is,im celebrating it on my own now. usually its the both of us that celebrating it together bt everything have change now. we're living in a different life. one live with a new life, a wrong path of life and the other one is living in the past where he sees every smile and laughter. i try to make myself smile bt it's just too impossible. im so broken,i cant believe every memories and dreams we made together are shattered into pieces now. i try to put the pieces back together,bt i failed. a broken glass will never ever go back to its original form. all we can do is change it with a new one. bt patheticly,im so stupid enough to fixed those broken glasses.
sad isnt it? bt that's me,who thought a guy that looks so cool as human could be this pathetic. i'm cursing my self because i cant help my self to move from the past. i hate myself because im just waiting a black crow to change into white. something that'll never happen until d end of this world. pathetic. so pathetic..

*sigh*

*exeunt*

Just At Not The Right Time

it'd been four days since she treat me nice-WITHOUT cursing me. bt this heart of mine miss her more that a month. after 2 days after we met last time was the last time i feel her love towards me. since then she keep on busy doing something,most of her excuses was lame. tv,tired,homework,didnt have time,have to wake up early tomorrow. i didnt mind that actually,i have to understand bt wat hurts me is to know that night she's busy replying comments with that ape.

also remember my post with the title 'PAIN',after the past weeks,she's didnt really contact with me. then when im having a chat with her,she told me that she's getting bored with me. it's just crazy,how could she said something like that? suppose to be im the one who saying like that,but actually im the one who's that stupid. she was just trying to be honest,she's just doing for what i've told her to.

'just tell me everything that u want okay,i try to do and change it for u eventhough it hurts me'

mann~i hate my self. how could i forget my own words? *sigh* probably because she's telling that not in the right time that's why i couldnt think positively..

a boy that feel so down because of his gf and a girl that tells her feelings about her bf. guess what happened? KABOOOM!!

A Voice While I'm Singing

tak pernah terfikir oleh ku. tak sedikit pun ku bayangkn kau akn pergi tinggalkn ku sendiri..

begitu sulit ku bayangkn. begitu sakit ku rasakn. kau akn pergi tinggalkn ku sendiri..

di bawah batu nisan kini kau telah sandarkn. kasih sayang kamu begitu dalam. sungguh ku tak sanggup ini terjadi kerna ku sangat cinta.

inilah saat terakhir ku melihat kamu. jatuh air mataku menangis pilu. hanya mampu ucapkn slamat jalan kasih.

satu jam saja ku telah bisa cintai kamu. kamu. kamu. dihati ku. namun bagi ku melupakan mu butuh waktu ku seumur hidup.

satu jam saja ku telah bisa sayangi kamu dihatiku. namun bagi ku melupakn mu butuh waktu ku seumur hidup..

di nanti ku..

this song,it remembers me when the time we sang together. her cute voice,i still have the record. i hear it whenever i miss her. thinking if she could ever live again.

just now i sing this song with full heart and without realising it,it makes me to tears,and suprisingly i hear a voice of her that joined singing with me. that voice.. tchh.. *sigh* i ask to my self,would it be great if i can split her to two. if it is allowed,ill take the old noty that i knew just for 3 months,because in that state,she'd the best love at me. ohh,i miss you so much cyg. i miss youu..

*exeunt*

thanks.

*sigh*

tchh.. i woke up late again,its 5.30 am. why cant i wake up early at 5. it'd been 4 days now and im still not use to it. but last night was terrible,i only slept for 2 hour and a half,suprisingly when i woke up after that,im feeling so fresh,like im having enough sleep.

what makes me sleep that late eh? aha last nyt im having a chat with my friend,expressing all the feeling,sharing stories and experience,didnt realise it was already nearly to 3 am. hahaha thanks zul (:

i hate that MONSTER!

today is the first time in my life to cut onions. it was soooo easyy! ;D bt one problem,that onions really gets my eyes to tears. sh** haha xp

oh yeah,while busy cleaning my room this morning,i smiled as i looked at the keychain that i thought i lost it forever. but not only with smile,tears are also running down my face,i remember her face when she gave me those keychain,she smiles and said 'sorry byy sl da babi hee'. then i told her its okay and kiss her forehead while keeping her tight in my grasp. oh i miss'em. i really2 miss her:'(

bt now everything is change,i hate her now! she's just not the noty i used to know! she's a MONSTER!

*sobbing*

The First Day

woaaaaahhhh! im soooo TIRED! today i woke up at 5.30 am. actually i've set my alarm to 5,but then i snooze it off to 5.30.

this the first day i live without my servant. didnt expect everything would so hard. i've to wake up early,washing all the clothes,cleaning the house,cooking and washing all the dishes,not only that,i've to take care of my father's garden. sounds like 'harvest moon' eh? haha but im happy with it (: at least this is what i wanted for a long time and it keeps me from thinking of her all the time..

*sigh* oh anyway,im tiredd with everything.. last nite was a terrible nite that i've ever had. to be honest,mybe u would find this so funny,never though a guy that look so cool and call himself 'pencinta wanita' like me would cry huh? well,that's fact. im not lying yo! laugh all you want,say anything about me,i just dont care because if you know what i've been faced in the past year,you will never believe it!

Taking Off From Brunei

huh~i just woke up a few hours ago,8 am i think. im at the airport now,preparing to go overseas. nahh~just kidding,its my servant,today she will be leaving us forever. haha. she's going back to her country. after 3 years worked with us,its time for her to get back to her home country.

while waiting for her to go,i look at the surroundings. ahhh~i remember the first time i went to Singapore. that day was the greatest day of my life. after finished with my pmb,releasing my mind from tension with her,everything was perfect. huh~it'd been 4 years now,i hope i get to go there once again or maybe to Japan,that would be fun. hehs.

well got to go now,ill update soon (:

I Hate To Live

i hate this world! life is so unfair! i hate'em! i really2 hate'em! why??? why??? why should this happened to me? god! why dont u just take my life instead of giving me such test? why did u give me such misery? why do i have to face something like this? god~this is too much for me to handle,i mean,what's so special about me? im not that kinda muslim that always do wat we have suppose to do.

with every burden that i had,i just cant stand it anymore. i want to kill my self. i really want to die bt i just cant stab my heart,i couldnt do it. i just cant,huh *smiles* pathetic isnt it?

hey,is there any place where i get to wash my brain out there? i mean,i want to forget everything about this world. my family,my friends,my self,my life and especially my noty. or can someone out there can change my personality? i would like to be a loner,cold heart,never shown face expression,never laugh,always being serious,very2 silent. damn! why did it sounds like sasuke? oh shit! i hate'em. urhhh. so stress!

*walks out*

Thanks For The Lie

it'd been nearly a weeks since i checked my fs,but i when i view it with my other acc,it still says last login 24 hours.

im glad u still care n worried about me baby,but why should u lie to me by telling me that u didnt care about me,u hate me and more,why? why dont u just tell me the truth? why do u have to lie? why do u have to keep ur egos on?! *sobbing*

nearly a week i didnt contact u,im doing this to know how much u care about me,but still there's no mc n msg from u. i was hoping for it bt its totally hopeless. many bad things happened to me since i didnt cntct u,i lost my necklace,i lost ur msgs and more worst i lost our lovely keychain :'( i hate myself! i hate my life! i hate to live in this world!

'every bad things happened will have a meaning,which brings happiness or sad'

foolish me! i have to learn that every true love will never always that easy. every true love will always hard. feeling of needing each other will overcome this test. feeling of love will get both of us back. im sure of it!

Noty is Dead )':

i've been so moody for a months. i never though this would happened to me. last december she was really okay. her love to me was in the excellent condition. bt nw,i just figure it out that she's gone forever. notyy)': why do u have to die sweetheart? why didnt u take me with u?:'( why do u have to leave so early cyg,u know i cant live without u. i'm so empty without you bby. *sobbing* it'd been a month since u left me without saying goodbye. everything was so fast,i still havent enjoyed the time we had,i want more )':

i remember the first time we met. i miss'em so much. i remember all the promise we made together. i remember the time we sing together. i remember every of ur pampered voice. i miss youu. i miss you so muchh baby. sweetheart,if god allow me to exchange my life to u,i will bby. i will do it for u,cause im worth to die,not you. not you! not you! *sobbing*

bby,i wish you could be reborn again. i wish that god will bring back u to life. i need you,i just cant live without you sweetheart. i miss youu so much bby)':

to see who u are ryt now,i just couldnt believe it! i just cant! from what i remember,she would never leave me alone,she will never care of anybody when we had a fight. huh! she's just not her. she is not my noty! she's just some stranger who possessed her soul and mind to be like that! urhhhhhh! i will never let that ape go easily,since he's the one who killed my noty. i will crush him next year when i have my license. that's what ill do!