New Year Wish

current music :: last word - rentrer en soi

night everyone^^,

gomenasai mina .. i know i didnt post that much lately.. i just didnt know what to say.. for me life is just the same everyday.. and i dont have that much to share with you..

i've just finished watching japanese sad series 'one liter of tears'. i borrowed it from cousin. the story was very interesting. in fact, it teaches me how to appreciate life..

i assumed you all know how much i hate this world, how much i hate myself and my life.. but .. all of the sudden after watching that story, it made me think something.. realised something..

why didnt i appreciate the life that god has given me? why should i whine for this pain? why should i try to kill myself? i keep on asking myself why.. because for this pain is nothing more that just a small scratch for the poor and special kid out there..

in fact, they would just laugh and smile with their friends and forget all those miseries they had in that chaotic mind.. but why? why am i that weak? im a normal human, i could walk and see perfectly, sing beautifully and i could do more than the special kid could do.. but why cant i appreciate my life and stop complaining?? why? why should i grieve and step out from the world?

am i a failure? im not a strong person aint i? *smile* i do hope that ill be back to my former self.. or even better that than.. that's my wish for this new year..

until then..