Resonance

today is like the worst day of my life. the first day of school was sure a stupid day. the worst ever happened. i screwed up my accounting as expected. it sucks. what made me regret was, i only need 8 marks to get an 'E' instead of 'U'. i said 'SHIT! just 8 marks to go and im SAFE!'.

i got 24/50 for my english 'as' paper 1. damn! that commentary exam sucks the most. i feel want to wrap the paper and throw it into the dustbin. i couldnt believe that i cant even get a credit for my paper 1. how can i be an english lecturer or a novelist if i got that kind of mark.

mada mada dane

im waiting for my english 'as' paper 2. just hope i didnt screw it up.

oh yeah, i watched 'before i decay' preview this morning, it's so DAMN COOL! i cant wait for this october.

also, i watched another pv this morning. it was exist trace with their 'resonance' preview. the song grabs my full attention until it made me watch the preview for about 4-5 times. also it was because their guitarist is so damn cute. hehe. but i really love their kind of music. oh yeah, it's all woman vkei band. so they are my second female vkei band after danger gang. wuhuu~ im going to hunt for their song from now on.

i really wish to have the resonance mp3..

until then

Refusal

i just got the mood to post something today. well, it's nothing important actually, i would love to keep it as my secret but naah, ill tell this time.

guys, nowadays, i can feel that im changing a lil bit. im keeping my feelings a lot more frequent than before. i dont tell people about my everyday problem like before where my blog usually updated at least 1 time in 3 days. probably because of my lazyness.

oh yeah, what im trying to tell you right now is about my older post with the title 'crush'. i think it was the post on late march.

well i met her today *grins* that girl, she's still beautiful like the first time i looked at her. she was the first girl that opened the locked cage for me. the only person who managed to grab my attention before kim. i wish i could tell her and everyone that i like her but naahh, ill keep it as my secret..

but too bad that girl *sigh* have a lot of fans which makes this nature of mine to refuse to continue to love her. everytime when i clicked on her status's comments, i could see that most of people gave her the comments of 'i hope we can be together' in different ways and style. i dislike this so much. ahh, silly me, i must be jealous. hehs.

anyway, i just knew about 4 hours ago that my kayme had deleted her facebook. so saddd *~*

okay then. ill stop till here.

until then..

notykitz memorial

hey. it's the fourteen of september today. i remember that last year september was a happy moment of my life although i was pressurised because of o level exam.

i still kept the notes of our convo during our first year anniversary. it really was a sweet memory, not only the notes but her recorded voices too. im listening to them right now. most of the recording was her laughter, her naughtiness, our planning for the future and a lil bit of her school problems.

my memories are now recall to the day where we nearly broke up because of the unforgivable thing that she'd done. it was so painful but sweet. the sweet thing was how she tried to convinced me about her love, how she told me that no one can replace me in her heart and how she told me that she want me. i miss all of that..

notykitz forever, farulsauzan, 3012512, 2312[14] and many more. all of those are used to be on my display name or nick. but it's all gone now. everything has fade. no more happiness between this two souls. hatred were born after that tragic day.

today is supposed to be our two years relationship but it seems that two years is nothing but a mere dream. so long baby, i guess this pain will never stop from bleeding. i wish you for a better life.

when two souls found one heart..
they hold it together with both of their hands..
when one of the souls found another heart..
it gets distracted and its grip weakened..
processing the falling of the heart as the result..
so there was the scattering sound of the broken heart..

until then..

hunger for your love.

it's been nearly four days since i saw you hanging around at the school with your friends.

i miss you so much sweetheart. i truly miss you. i wish we're so close baby so there will always a reason for me to approach you. this feeling is killing me. i could fall if i try to stand up. im getting and weaker because of it.

silly me, now i regret the fact that i didnt tell you about this little heart. a heart that always give me your images. all the way you smile, the way you bite ur lips, waving me and saying goodbye, the way u laugh, and more sweetheart.

i wish i could picture you on how much do i miss you but it cannot be describe by words. it's out of this world baby. saying 'i miss you' for thousand times wouldnt help me to get rid of it.

i need you at my sleep..
i need you to talk with me..
i need you to smile and laugh with me..
i need you in my dreams..
i need you to be by myside..
im so in love with you kayme-chan..
please be mine..
eventhough it's just for a second..
im so desperate to see you kayme baby..

until then..

Wonderment

i just departed from ST net to get rid of my evening boredom. one of their posts caught my attention. it made me questioned myself.

it was stating about spanish visual band. the first time i read i couldnt believe that spanish people also love visual music which lead me to read it for two to three times. i didnt remember the name of the band. i think it's pinky something.

in my amazement, i was wondering how strong is the influence of japanese music to the world. also, i wonder if brunei have its own visual kei band? hmm..

until then..

i need to be alone for a while.

*sigh*

if i said im happy now, i would be lying. seriously, after the exams yesterday i could not think very bright. every of the surroundings around me gave me too much burden for my weak soul to carry.

i thought after all the exams, my life would be free from anything that could hurt me. i dont know when did i get this but i can feel that im being watched by the eyes of an assassin. someone who hates me because of something that i do to make myself happy. someone who's going to stab me from the back while i put my guards down.

i just hope those people knows what're they doing. i just didnt get it, why do i have to face all of this. i wonder if there'll be someone who will be picking up all the shattered pieces of me when im falling apart and scattered everywhere. and i know the answer is no body.

as from what i said before, life is only for one man himself. you got your ownlife and i got mine, we're not going to be together forever.
this is the real world you once adore because of its beauty. you have to open ur eyes more on the dark side alone. forget all of those happiness cus it's not going to help you nowhere. it will only let your life been taken freely.

this world is still cruel as it was from the beginning. all of this bond and relationship thing never stops from making me sick.

until then..

In Love

*grins*

hehs. so today was my last exam. i finished the 3 hours questions in 1 hour and 45 minutes. i was so excited to get my freedom so i managed to finished it earlier than it suppose to be. but unfortunately after everything was done the teachers wouldnt let me out because it was still too early. i said WHAT THE HELL! shxt! i got so much troubled in finishing it early and now i have to wait for another 1 hour and 15 minutes stupidly doing nothing? damn.

i grumbled for the whole 15 minutes and the teachers came to tell me that they'll let me out on 10.30. so another 30 minutes then? my geography teacher gave a piece of paper to fill my boredom. so i draw and scratch something for the next 30 minutes. i wish i could upload it here to show you guys but maybe next time larr.

anyway as soon as i went out of the room. i could feel all the light was focusing on me. i could smell the freedom. the taste of freedom. oh im so HAPPY xD HAHA

oh yeah. the title? you guys must be wondering why i wrote it 'in love'. anyway it's nothing special. im just stating that im falling in love with waka's danger gang. what i mean is her voice, dont get me wrong. but waka herself also can la, she's cute ;)

i cant stop from listening to her duty song. waka's voice is so cute that it made me keep on saying the word 'cute' back to back as her voice starts to sing.

im think im going to hunt more for danger gang song :D hehe

until then. (:

Early September Rain

yesterday, the first thing in the morning i could see the cold smoke is thicker until it covered up all the entire school.

i remember how the rain was coming to clear all the thick unharmful smoke and made me realise that 'it's the early of september now'.

well everything was unexpected. early in the morning, i was so happy reading the crows comic, searching for its real life picture and playing dota with garena people.

i'd never expected that this will happened. the smile i have on face earlier on has bleaching itself - helping those melancholic feelings to save me from the long fall i have.

well, after all this time i've never thought about the rain will symbolizes something. it warned me about what will happened at the end of the day but it's just i who was being too ignorant to understand what is going to happened in the future. thank god im prepared for the worst although it hurts me a bit but at least i managed to hold myself from falling deep into the darkness.

those cocoon i adore and care so much has evolved itself to a beautiful butterfly that will find for her soulmate - and she is now. i knew that someday she's going to leave me but my undying love made me stay and care.

until then..