Those Stupid Curse Are Gone Forever Now!

*smiles*

1 year 4 months and 18 days huh? the curse? it's gone! it's gone! YEAHHHHH! i win YANA! i win! i win! i BEAT ur words and ur stupid curse! hahaha hey what do you know,2 years and a half,i've been waiting for someone to break the curse,and i promise to myself,whoever make the curse go,i promise will love her until the very end. no one knew about this including my bestfriends n her. i kept it secret until today,because i dont want anyone to know about it. bt who knows? it's my sweet noty that helps me to beat the stupid fucking curse. so now on,i dont care what happens next,i've accomplished every of my objective,i have no regret. if the heart broking ending that she choose,i cant stop her. ill just let her do what she wants,and im gonna do is live this life and move on with the heart i have and the promise i kept. to love her till the very end,i will do it. yes! that's what im gonna do.

'love will only comes from heart not by force. we cant force someone to love us,we only can make them to love us. love doesnt always have to owned each other,love is seeing the person we love smiles and live happily together with the one their choose,eventhough that was the wrong person for them'

a word that i kept in my heart forever and ever. *sigh* iloveyousomuchnoty! thanks for the love and hurt u gave me. ill live with the past now,and keep on moving on. i just cant watch who u are ryt now. i cant accept the fact,i just cant! ill live with the sweet memories that u've made me feel last year. *hugs* iloveyou ...

FOREVER!! thankyou sweetheart. thankyou. ill always,always loving and waiting for you

*walks away*

Flashing To The Past ..

*sitting on the bench,flashing the past back*

*sigh*

'im really sorry dear,i noe tat i made a mistake,i really didnt mean to say lyk tat. i didnt hate you dear,i really love you,im sorry,i really sorry:'(' *sigh* bt i didnt give any answer to her. remembering what she'd done to me. humiliating me,and more.

'erghhh! .... (i dont remember) ... watever ur decision,i dnt cre now. the thing is no one will ever gona take u frm me,no one will ever have you longer than me,believe me!' -i just looked at that last msg for long time and gave a long sigh,mybe i should give her a chance backthen,i still love her actually. bt oh anyway,i have my ownlife now. its me n my new heart. (: bt nw everything had change since that stupid ape arrived. i've nothing to say now. *sigh*

30 JANUARY 2009

30th January 2009,a day for smile and the day of her. there should be no sadness today. i hope she would be fine. day by day,im just getting worried to this wreck relationship,i just hope it could be fixed soon. anyway,happy 15th birthday princess,god bless ya with a long life,hope u're given a very long life without pain and sadness. cheerful always baby. hope u can achieve what ya want and got an excellent result in every of ur exam.

-from ur beh,kitz. i dedicated this to my noty yg kiyutt lagi montel. hehe iloveyousomuchhsweetheart =)

p/s : well this is the 15 post for my 15 year old birthdaygirl (:

ThankYou Everyone! Today is My Greatest Day (:

first of all i want to say thanks to all of you guys,to those who wish me luck in my olvl before,thanks! i made it. thankyou all and thanks god. today is the greatest day of my life. first my problem is solved,well i know its kinda strange or weird way,bt i gotta be patient. then my result going out,and i found that i got 4o's out of 5subject. i already have 3o and now i got 4o,so overall i got 7o. what a relieve. i was so worried back then. huh~its really2 my luck. and tomorrow's my princess's birthday. happy advance birthday montel! iloveyousomuch! thanks for today yea,you're making my day to be great. *hugs*

Happy Chinese New Year!

today is the chinese new year,and my aunt told me the year is buffalo. hmm buffalo huh? no wonder its always raining. chinese believe that a buffalo year is a raining season. well i still believe it was because of the monsoon(eh,its dat corrent? kinda forgot the spelling haha xp) wind.

anyway,after visiting my grandmother,aunt and cuzzie at seria,my uncle suggest to hang out at the seri kenangan beach at tutong. we're spending time there about 4 hours i think,with the strong wind blowing at us,well,it makes me shivering. *sigh* also im having my first fever at this year,bad luck for me huh? hahaha

hmm,let me see.. oh yeah,next year we're gonna visiting at lumut instead of seria,cus my grandfather told,he got a new house there along with his brother,bt i tell ya,his new place were full of DOGS! ohhh,i hate'em. *ghrrr.. hahaha

Happy Birthday

Happy 17 years and a months birthday to ya herzan farahy. hahaha kinda bored,so just post some crazy stuff hahahakz. =p

another sad moment

*smiles*

hey,i just chat with her. well it was only for a very short time but im satisfied,at least my feelings are cured a bit (: bt also it was a dissappoiting,*sigh* she told me that she had deleted all of the our pictures. very depressing huh? well,actually it was my fault either. im the one who ask her to dlete all those picture if she didnt love me anymore. so then,i've discover the truth now,there was absolutely no love for me now. how sadd~

i heard that the o'level result will be out next monday,*sobbing*im going to die. hopeless love and future,how can i live without them both. :'(

The Desired Of A Romeo

achoo..
*sneezing*

huh~i got a cold this night. woahh,im so darn tiredd after spending 2 hours playing bouncer at my friends house. sadly,i forgot to brought my hp to catch some pictures. it was fun spending time with friends,but still i never could forget thinking about her a second.. i miss her so muchh. i wonder how she's doing right now? im concerned about her health and herself. i wish i was there with her but fate hold us down.

*sigh*

while waiting her to reply my msg,eventhough i knew she wouldnt,i looked at our picture. slowly thinking 'it would be wonderful if everything was ok' i click one by one,suddenly i stopped. without realising it,my tears started to fall.

'where is it? the picture of our hands? where is it!'

i really want to see those picture. i want them. with the depression i feel,i click on random picture and i saw this,i cry and screammedd!

'SHE'S MINE!! urhhh!! WHYYY!! why do our love become like thiss? i want our normal life back?! i want notykitz to smile again. i want them to be together again'

saying that in heart,hoping that everything will change,eventhough it wouldnt.

*sobbing*

THE BEST FEELINGS HAVE STARTED TO FADE AWAY. . .

your friendship and love,
and all the wonderful things
that they bring into my life,
are like nothing else
i have ever known.

my heart is complete
with the love we share,
and our love grows more
beautiful each day.

i love you,
and as long as we are together,
i have everything i need.

you are with me always ...
in a smile, a memory, a feeling
or a moment we share.

you will always be my FOREVER love beh. (L)

happy 15th anniversary. (: iloveyousodamnfuckingverymuchby. im YOURS and you're MINE herzanfarahy!

from the lil sweetheart. <3
sauzan - farul - notykitz - zanurul - bunjans&nenek kiyuts
forever will be ..

*sigh* reading this msg makes me cry back to back. remembering all the sweet memories between me and her reminds me of happiness. i still remember the situation when she gave me this msg,she told me about the thing that i fear the most. i remember how she asked me not to leave her alone and i made my promise to her. huh~i miss all of those time. i miss her smile and cheerful voice. im sorry baby,i failed as a lover,i failed as ur protector and i failed as ur guardian angel. i've hurt your feelings until u've change to be something different,so do you.

god. i wish that my place havent been taken. i wish that her love at me is still strong. i wish every of our memories can made her think to regained it again. i wish that our love will be forever as both of us want. eventhough i know that she's not my noty now,i know she has change to someone whom i never known.

my cry and ur hurt will never be healed unless one of us realising each other mistake and try to change it.

i miss youu,in fact i do miss ya a lot montel. *sob*

This is Good Bye

i know im doing the wrong thing. pls dont blame me and dont blame her too. i dont blame god for this. bt this is it,sometimes in life,we have to face everything and fight it. i know i'm a fighter that never give up bt its a fact,a fighter will gonna die someday. no matter how strong they are,they're gona surrender their life in the end. *sigh*

thanks everyone for visiting my blog,unfortunately,this is my last post. im going now.

currently im hearing my last song 'ku ingin kamu by romance' i want to hear this song as soon as im finished this. goodbye everyone. goodbye..

*walks away slowly*

The Best Solution

I figured out this morning something that had makes me smile. something that i waited for a months. yeah! i admit,it hurts but it also makes me smile. the answer i've been waiting now have arrived. the last thing u'll seen me will only the last time we met. hope everything will be okay after this. ill be away for so long. i dont want you to wait for me or follow me or did any fucking stupid things!. i going overseas,yeah! im going. this is my decision. im going to the place that no alive person have go. and this is final!

Stupid Curse!

I look at the sky but no star. Its raining tonight,I thought.

*sigh*

i ask my self questions and questions
"why did this always happened in my life?"

"am i really deserve for what i've done to her?"

"but this test is too much for me" i complained.

"im afraid,i cant hold down much longer.."

"yeah u bitch! i really hate you! because of ur curse,my life become hell!,i lose. no one could ever challenge ur place. i think she would let the curse go but huh! fucking 16months"

"we're just close to 16th months but yet we failed! arhhh i hate youuu yana!! i hate you so much!"

*punching to my chest*

My Horoscope as The Go-Getter(Capricorn)

it says a capricorns is the patient and wise one. very practical and rigid. so ambitious and always tends to be good looking. woaahh! that's what i am! :D but wise? uhmm maybe haha:p Humorous and funny? well i cant be that sometime. a bit shy and reserved? huh,no comments :D often pessimists? yeah,i am.. lets see it also says that capricorns tends to act before they think. hee :D can become unfriendly? yups,when im not in the fucking mood and when im not use to the situation. hold grudges,i dont know,what do ya'all think? likes competition? yeah i am,beware im going to do it more better than everyone. and lastly,capricorns always get what they want. of course i am,i have to because im needing it! hahaha

well that's the type i am as the go-getter capricorn..

unsolved question (unfinished)

once upon a time,in a class,there was a boy who usually laugh everytime even the situation isnt that funny. he's the type that we call 'happy-go-lucky'. his laughter bring smiles and happiness to everyone,but then suddenly he turned out to be weird. all the smile and colorful days has turned out to be dim and silent world. that boy just didnt laugh as usual ,the joy and happiness that he bring was now nothing but just an empty and motionless expression. all he does just being silent and never talk to anyone,even a smile was also a rare thing to see from him.

after a week,that boy just disappeared without news. everybody were asking about that boy,where did he go? what'd happened to him? lots of questions were asked but one of them never got the answer..

*uhh didnt have any idea to continued this story,post me some 'kumins' what do ya'all think about the introduction :)*

the faster the better

i woke up in the morning,looking at the mirror and washing my face. i thought for a while "i wonder how is it going to day?" and gave a long sigh.

as soon as i arrive at work,i do my routine as usual open all the pc,cleaning and counting all the stuff in the cafe. huh! feels like im in school again,oh well as soon as i finished all that stuff,i began to play my account at torncity. while waiting,i check my fs,and i found out something,new spouse??????? what the heck?

huh! i just cant believe this! i check again and again,opening my eyes more bigger than before,but still the one that i saw just now was still there. *sigh* maybe this is the life i was destined for,maybe the feeling of love has been fading away from "my life". i realise now that everything has change,including my self. if last year i was able to change this,but now i just let it be. if last year i was so stronger to face things like this but now im not. im giving up,im tired. just imagine how did i feel? i believe if another man were in my place,im sure they'll wouldnt last for a month. why,why my heart choose to love you "life"..

*sigh*

they say "bad things are not bad after all,there will be a subject to learn behind that" i believe in those words and waited patiently but still it'll never change and it getting more worst and worst. how im able to face that,even my tears are drying now,i cant even cry now. i cant cry to let my pain go. that makes me getting WEAK AND WEAKER! urggghhhhhhh.

oh god! pls help me to face this,lend me ur power to make me stronger. but if ya wont help its okay,i've my own solution. the faster,the better. getting slash everytime could make me want to do it more faster.. come onn.. im waiting :)

PAIN!

why did u choose to tell me that today?! why? after yesterday,after what i've been through for a couple of weeks. im still in pain,im still down today,and that pain becomes a burden it my heart. it bleeds even more after i know what u have delete and what have u change. u never reply any of the thing i'd been sent and did. what hurts more,is to know that u're ignoring me. yeah,i know u didnt realise this,because im sure u didnt do this deliberately.

*SIGH*

getting bored? why should you? in this 2 weeks,we never been chat that long,u're so cold when u were with me but not with everyone. so in that case,that reason was totally crapppppp! why should u give me such reason?? just tell that u hate me and tell me that want to live with them and loving the one that u think was right for you. just tell me the truth.

urgggghhhhhhhh!!!

im just getting tired and tired! with the fucking problem at stupid work,family,myself and you. i want this to end immediately,i just cant stand it anymore,im so tiredd. if it is allowed,i want to end my life as well. im really tiredd with this burden i face,im giving up. :'(

Happy New Year 2009!

happy new year 2009 to all of us in this world. well i believe in this new year,everything will be new. new sock,new shirt,new friends,new teachers and everything except family,and partner. i dont think everyone will have a new family like having stepmother right? definitely not new girl/boyfriend,if ya'all do that,it's totaly insane,except to those who's just break up or still single. haha

huh! i thought i will have an off day or just half day work but SHIT! today i have to wake up early and went to work,but it's not work actually,i been forced by my bos to join him with his family to go to the beach. what a drag. well most of the day,i enjoyed it but still i didnt satisfied with it. i want to have an off day or at least wake up at noon. i want to enjoy my new year but *sigh* oh well,that's that.

arrrrgghhhhh! im so damn tiredddddddddd!!

anyway HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE :)