New Year Wish

current music :: last word - rentrer en soi

night everyone^^,

gomenasai mina .. i know i didnt post that much lately.. i just didnt know what to say.. for me life is just the same everyday.. and i dont have that much to share with you..

i've just finished watching japanese sad series 'one liter of tears'. i borrowed it from cousin. the story was very interesting. in fact, it teaches me how to appreciate life..

i assumed you all know how much i hate this world, how much i hate myself and my life.. but .. all of the sudden after watching that story, it made me think something.. realised something..

why didnt i appreciate the life that god has given me? why should i whine for this pain? why should i try to kill myself? i keep on asking myself why.. because for this pain is nothing more that just a small scratch for the poor and special kid out there..

in fact, they would just laugh and smile with their friends and forget all those miseries they had in that chaotic mind.. but why? why am i that weak? im a normal human, i could walk and see perfectly, sing beautifully and i could do more than the special kid could do.. but why cant i appreciate my life and stop complaining?? why? why should i grieve and step out from the world?

am i a failure? im not a strong person aint i? *smile* i do hope that ill be back to my former self.. or even better that than.. that's my wish for this new year..

until then..

A Painful Year To Look At

current music :: another world arni village - yasunori mitsuda

fuhh.. i've been waiting this for so long.. finally, after a painful year of being 17, i've turned to 18.. which means that im FREE!! heheh..

i just dont know why im being so happy this morning while most of the soul is resting peacefully.. i mean i've never been this happy when i was 17.. when i looked back what happened, it was sure a tough year to face but surprisingly i made it.. being dumped like nothing after we got together for more than one year, i almost killed myself but heh .. that was past..

now i should be more mature and act like one.. i just hope ill be able to keep this shape for the next year and so.. i know back then everybody is worried about me for acting like a total loner or should i say loser.. im sorry for that.. hehe

ill try to change okay? no promises though (:

okay, what i wish for this birthday? hmm.. lemme think, i think i want to get my driving licence if it's possible.. the next one will be a light to shade this darkness in my little world and a forever smile for every of my day in life.. i think that's all, i couldnt think any for now.. or maybe a trip to japan haha just joking. i know that is a mere dream but it's not wrong to dream right? (:

okay, what else i should talk about, i havent been blogging for a very long time.. oh yeah, i got a lot of greetings by my facebook friends.. seriously, i never expected that it would be that much. i dont know. maybe, it's because i never received that much when i used friendster.. thank you guys.. facebook is GOOD!! haha

oh yeah, i got 2 presents already given by the people in this world. first present was "RENTRER EN SOI LAST CONCERT DVD" given by reiko the dangerous mind.. thanks reiko-san.. ill try my best going to cc to download that xD.. second, im not really sure but i heard from a friend that a new dota map will be released today.. thanks icefrog.. xD oh yeah, i almost forgot, my dear satsuki is going to perform his oneman show today.. i wish i could be there in japan watching him singing cuz that'll be a great birthday gift after my rentrer en soi last concert dvd.. anyway it's still consider a birthday gift for me eventhough im not there..

lastly, before i stop. i would like to thank everyone who is celebrating today's event although i didnt celebrate christmas but it's an honour that everybody is celebrating my birthday.. thankyou so much guys..

ill miss this blog.. i hope ill always come and write something in this blog again like always.. okay, bye for now..

until then..

Miss.. You.. Miss.. Her.. Miss.. Everyone..

*sigh*

it's been a while now since the last time i seriously update this blog.. kinda miss it though but i was too lazy for everything. hmm..

i miss KAYME!!

err.. a random statement i guess.. i dont really know what to say here. i miss talking with everyone but i know they have their own life to think about..

im still thinking about what happened few days ago at school. i was attending some sort of agreement for me to be in upper six next year. there i was asked to sign the passport to go to upper six with 10 conditions.. *sigh* im so worried.. in the dying moment, im so envy with everyone who's still have smile carved on their happy faces.. i wonder if i could overcome any obstacles later in 2010..

2009 has been so unfortunate for me. probably the worst year of my life. first, i got dumped. and now it ends with a disappointment result. you can say that overall i was totally crushed by the boulders..

oh yeah, last week before school holiday we had talentine at school. it was so not awesome because the speakers SUCKED!! it hurt my ears and GAVE me major BRAIN DAMAGE. thank god we have chinese comedians. thumbs up for julius and his partner.. also thanks to my kayme, as expected she did came that day. thank you sweetheart..

*yawns* i guess ill stop here for the moment. ill update some other time..

P/S : I MISS SCHOOL AND MY FRIENDS.

until then..