Wither

so this how it feels to live in the world?
i just born about 2 days ago..
eager to taste the smell of the fresh air in the morning..
i bloomed imperfectly as a rose..
i thought i would be welcomed warmly..
but instead it was the cold surroundings that greeted me..
as day passes i've become a frozen roses..
the bright blue colour of my sepals have turned to crimson blood..
as my original colour is fading..
so does my hope..
the light from the arc is focusing on me..
trying to help to get my self back..
so this is the feeling living in this world?
the happiness is greeted with cold hatred..
as for the the cold darkside of you is pleased with warm love..
again this is to find the old you?
but sadly, all of that is too late now..
for now that i've melted after that long cold atmosphere..
i shall live as a wither rose in the satan's hands..

-written accordingly to what happened a few days ago..

until then..

Isolation

*sigh*

i just finished playing dota a few minutes ago. i won the game as usual but this time i cheat. i used the god mode to kill every of my opponent there. i know it sucks but i was bored okay? i couldnt think right and that disturbs my play. i got killed by the same opponent for 3 times. that's why i decided to play dirty.

seriously, i feel so isolated lately. not by my friends but by the world. it seems that everything didnt happened so right nowadays. i always got at least one bad moment in a day. how cruel are you world? and why? *sigh* hmm. my exams are worst and as is coming. i hope ill do better in the coming exam. btw im feeling a lil bit lonely now, i need a friend to talk with. naahh, actually i need a girl.

what the heck .. ? i need a girl in this exam month? a crazy request i think.. hmm.. im thinking of learning japanese.. and improving my skills on lawn bowl..

maybe after exams..

until then..

Worst Moment

okay, so today i was trying to change my blog. i want to make it more beautiful where i could put rose and everything that im obsessed to. *sigh* but it's the opposite, in fact it's more worst than i imagined. everything that i made to my blog, all the linkies and what so ever. it's all gone! dang it! now i have to redo everything by tomorrow. just hope the wireless will be okay tomorrow..

until then..

Innocence

hey everyone. it's been a while now. i know im getting lazy to this blog thingy. im really sorry but life keep on dragging me with problems and more.

i dont know why im so energetic as in hyper today, probably it's because after drinking a new drink called promaganate (not sure about the spelling) or garnet tea. kuragami said it tastes like peach tea but for me it totally tastes like a familiar medicine. kinda sweet but .. err i cant describe it in words. i was just trying it out this morning since kuragami said it's too sweet that it could makes him go drunk.

by the way, the test was so awesome today. for my poa, it's not actually a test but some sort of discussion. i dont know why sir did this since it actually meant to be a test but at least im safe from failing. thank you god. and my e'as? it was not an easy passage but i managed to answered them. my teacher gave me a strange expression as she read my paper while i was on my way out from the classroom. it's like she's telling me that 'im going to get you boy' haha.

also today i acted out for shakesphere's twelfth night today in my e.lit class. it was so fun and humourous since all of us have to act the comedy part. oh yeah, i found that zirah is kinda sweet and cute with the hat that maw brough. she also sing in the play and when all the people in class praise her voice, she was blushed. awww~ so cutee. hahaha just hope i didnt fall for her because of that. oh yeah, about the hat. the girls dare me to wear it infront of everyone until lunch with a prize of $1. stupidly i was foolish enough to humiliate myself infront of everyone but honestly i feel nothing about it. maybe it's because i was so hyper that time. thanks to the garnet tea or promaganate tea.. (:

hmm. whatelse eh? ... oh yeah, kim and i were picked at the same time today. she went to the gate as soon after i hopped into my dad's car. im not really sure who picked her that time but i think it was her boyfriend. aha i admit i was a lil bit jealous but come to think of it, i whispered to myself "hey, at least she's happy right?"

hehe. i posessed a positive mind and im proud of it haha xp btw just got innocence by alice nine from kuragami. im going to enjoy myself hearing the song (:

until then..

an unfortunate day

*sigh*

seriously i got one big stupid problem today. first, got pissed by a stupid ape with his freaking stupid post. i just hope he finds his own tree for him to get rid of his stupid boredom.

second, i failed my geo with 12% of marks which means probably im going to retain in lower 6 next year since i got 3 Us already. i havent got my e.lit ppr yet but mz. rozie told me that only 3-4 people that managed to pass the exam.. which is impossible that im in that group.. cus i got pros in my e.lit class such as maw, zirah, sha and aqilah. im so dead. >_<

third, cant believe this one but it happened. out of depression and frustration, i finally became the old me again. the one who never care about people's feeling, being honest about what he dislikes about one thing or two. i might have hurt my pal with my words but i was being honest. it's for our own good. me and him cus he needs to change. i remember that a friend told me to tell everything about what i feel eventhough it's going to break the bond, i still cant believe that i did it.

maybe it's because of too much frustation i carried on my shoulder. the burden is so heavy for me. for that i know that i've dissappoint my parents with my stupid result, i feel weak and useless when i cant do anything about the people who dissed me.

in short, im so pissed off today.

*sigh*

until then..

Desperate

*sigh*

it's like i have visited this blog for everyday to check any updates but yet it's still the same as before.

most of the updates now are boring and didnt satisfied me. only short and lame update. life is keep on getting boring day by day. i dont know why im saying this but maybe it's because the emptiness of my heart.

seriously guys, im not really sure if it's okay for me to share this but i really need partner. i really miss the warm love from the girl i like. i maybe sound desperate but that's the truth.

i know this sound girly but everytime i look at everyone or my friends with their bf/gf, my heart cried out of jealousy. the time when i look at kim or any other girls that i adore, i really wish for them to talk with me while our eyes softly looking at each other - having them lying on my shoulder while i whispering to their ear, telling them "i love you"

*sigh* im really sick of this loneliness but it cant be helped, this is the path i choose. im trying hard in keeping my promise at the stupid girl who never appreciate my love.

sometime i wish that i never make that stupid promise.

*sigh*

until then ..