Miss Me?

listening to : awake - secondhand serenade.

hey, im back.. i miss blogging so much. i miss expressing my feelings to this page. it's good to be back.

sorry for not being active, quite busy with exams. qualifying exams was extremely hard especially accounting. i screwed up my accounting so bad. i bet my group tutor gonna lecture me the next time i come to class. >.<

well, last wednesday was my freaking bad day and it continued till sunday. i swear to god, it turned me into emo-ish for a while. it sucks, i know. dont judge me for this, you bastard . haha

first, it was because of accounting mock exam. damn accounting! curses for the founder of that subject. it gave me hell. i sat there for 2 hours and a half like stupid doing nothing as i didnt know any of the answer. i know im going to fail my accounting -.-' shit..

second, it was because of prototype. it's a game. the game was awesome. for me, it was best game ever created. the only problem was i cant play the game in my laptop because of my directX. sucks, i know. *sigh* but then, later that thursday afternoon i went to the mall with friends. im not interested in mall, so i went to the 'komunis shop' to buy some games. i was hoping that i could find the prototype and found them. yeay! borrowed friends money and buy them. on my way to the counter, i saw another game which caught my attention. it was a game by square enix named 'the last remnant'. i was like 'shit! which one to choose?'. i've been always a fan of rpg games since the first time i play final fantasy. after thinking for one hour, i decided to buy the last remnant one because i believed it will provide me the latest directX and it will allows me to install prototype as it's only require 9.0c directX.

then we went back to school, install the directX and copied a new prototype from najib. yeah, the game works. of course it works, the last remnant provides me the latest directX which is directX 10.

thursday evening, which was around 6, i checked my fb and opened up my girlfriend's page. this was the shit thing that made me so not in the mood after having a tough time with exams and games. as soon as the page finished its loading, i saw my girlfriend's status mentioning a SPECIFIC name going to the mall watching tekken. i know, that guy is nothing special but fuck that, my mind wasnt prepared for any of this shit. so, i was jealous. seriously, that ruined my whole day and my fucking mood man. i was like relax dude, it's okay, he's just a friend of her but it didnt work out. insted my mind kept on questioning my self, who's this bastard that she's going with. my curiousity grows bigger and my anger engraged.

but ..

i didnt show her my anger. instead i told her, that i was tired when she gave me a wall. after that she didnt reply any of my wall and she put on her status as 'not in the mood'. i was always this soft when it comes to relationship.

*sighs*

the next day, i updated my status saying that 'i hate the fact that i love you'. as expected, she liked my status and i didnt say anything. i know she's going ask me about this and 3 hours after that, she did ask. my real intention of that status is for the sake of her. what i meant was i hate jealousy, i dont hate her. i do love her but as my love grows bigger so do my jealousy. i cant control this. jealousy could hurt her and i hate to hurt her feelings but i know i just did. nobody understands what i was trying to say.

saturday morning, she subjected me as a selfish person in her status. well, she didnt mention my name but i knew it was for me. again, it hurts me a lot but i kept myself quiet.

then after the exam(i have an e.lit exam on saturday afternoon), i almost cry but managed to hold it back. it was hard for me to concentrate in the exam with that kind of condition.

because of that, i made my decision. i didnt really prepare to do this to her but she gave me no choice but to gave her the treatment of silence - hoping that she will understand that i was hurt by what she did.

so i updated my status for the 'last' time, pretended to be inactive.

'the prince will blinded thee and thou shall never taste his scent for decades. for thou hadst burnt the crown for thy own lust'

im not sure if you get what i meant by my status but i want you guys to think of it by urself. allow ur brain to work. (:

so i didnt contact her since last saturday afternoon till today. the only response i got from her was her missed call on late sunday. i tried to miss call her back half an hour after she missed call me(i tried to hold my self but i felt guilty, so yeah) but her phone died. thanks to god, the treatment is still active. i know, im weak as a man.

im waiting for her to apologise until then the treatment will still going. she got less than 2 weeks to do this and if there's no response, im afraid the relationship will have to come to an end. sadly, i hate to end it this way..

oh yeah, because of this stupid treatment i gave her, my jealousy grows weaker and weaker. so you know what it means right?

*sighs*

it seems i havent found the right girl yet but it's too early to say that. i hope things didnt go as i plan. love is something i need to help me to stand up.

okay, ill stop till here. im too tired. btw GP exam was AWESOME! hehs..

until then..