the small sun

it seems that there is a little light for me to hold on in this entire darkness eventhough it couldnt warm this entire coldness but it helps a bit. for the entire week being in that pathetic state, it really was painful. to think that i have lost my faith and will to live in this world, i changed a lot. i even tried to kill myself again.

*sigh* honestly, this world is too cold for me to live with.. i wonder why those stupid feelings wont go..

*sigh* i lost the desire to have an angel as my saviour. life is too cruel for me. too cruel! but i wouldnt call it world if it go as i want. it's almost two years now, ever since that day, i forget how to smile sincerely. all of this time, holding to that fake happiness, i know that im just killing myself. but to think that im doing that for the sake of the people around me, the wounds heal a little. just a little.

*sigh*

maybe im supposed to do what i always did. to not let everyone see those beautiful pearl and not showing that u've have them..

i wonder how long will that little light stay? will it getting smaller or getting bigger?

*sigh*

farewell, for now..